I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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