This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
