absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize