I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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