You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
