can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
