My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
