So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
