I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
