Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize