I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
