My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
