i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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