but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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