I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
