How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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