But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
