It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
