Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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