i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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