How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
