Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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