i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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