I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
