bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
