ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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