maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
