i permit you to call me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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