This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize