I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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