Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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