went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
