"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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