Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
