i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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