I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
