We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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