your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
