what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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