Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
