the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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