Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize