We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize