Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So much Jack, so little girl.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
