new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
