Heybabeimwearingurpanties
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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