finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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