You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
