he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
