fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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