my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
