I just saw a hot homeless man
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize