Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
