rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
