You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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