It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
