my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
