my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
