Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
