True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
