home. puking in laundry basket.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
