Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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