I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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