Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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