I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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