Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
