you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
